Monthly Archives: January 2017

“Even for me life had its gleams of sunshine”- Charlotte Brontë

I was listening to the so relatable “Till the sun comes up” by Gavin James and I started reflecting on the lines “take me out of the water, out of the rain” asking myself if one day my cries for help and my attempts to escape from depression, will be successful. I have hope, but it’s as thin as tissue paper.

I’ve always been depressed, since I was twelve, when I understood that what was cool for my family about me, it wasn’t that cool for the others, that my tastes about music, clothes, sports and habits made me “the weird one” “the childish one” and even if I’ve always been proud of my being one of a kind, I developed a deep insecurity and the constant feeling of being out of place. And the worse happened when I realised that not only I would never marry Johnny Depp or become a writer, but that the guy I was madly in love with, only saw me as a friend.

Some people call it life, some people cope with deception better than others, but I wasn’t that strong, so depression triggered a lot of wrong choices that I’m still paying for. Since the only person I loved rejected me, I ended with the worst man I could choose for myself and spent my life to make things right. I tried to commit three times: at sixteen, at twenty and at twenty-two, but I never had the courage for it, so through the years I’ve been trying to kill myself in a more subtle way: by refusing food, but that’s a story that deserves its own post.

But suddenly, I found happiness who came in the most unexpected disguise and at the most unexpected time. I must admit that it was a sort of deep, bright, complete happiness that only changed my mood, my inner self and helped me to build self acceptance; it didn’t change the reality I’m living in (I’m trapped in a life I can’t escape from, unless I won a lot of money and gain a healthy body).

Chronic pain and invisible illness ruined everything again for they caused tremendous changes in my lifestyle, limiting my individual mobility and independence. The quality of my life got worse, I wake up hoping to get to the end of the day with the least pain or troubles possible. The worst thing is the lack of emotional support from the people I’m living with, who think I’m faking it, that it’s all in my head, who call me: useless, lazy, burden…

Pain, emotional violence, lack of my own money, made me fragile, I’m often depressed, but I have my magic medicine and the hope that the sun will be up for me… someday.

 TRACK OF THE DAY: ‘Till the sun comes up”- Gavin James

“Climb mountains not so the world can see you but so you can see the world”-Unknown

My trips are always on budget and distant away from tourists traps, so instead of paying 30€ to enjoy a 71st floor view from the well known Shard, I enjoyed an extra cool view of the City from the 35th floor of the Sky Garden for free. You just need to go here https://skygarden.london/booking and book your visit, please be aware that a limited number of tickets are available each day. To get there I took the District line and got off at Monument station. On the way I enjoyed the view of the Monument that stands at the junction of Monument Street and Fish Street Hill. It was built between 1671 and 1677 to commemorate the Great Fire of London and to celebrate the rebuilding of the City and if you’re brave enough you can.climb the 311 spiral steps to the observation gallery and enjoy a pretty good view of London, but why getting tired if a few steps away there’s the Sky Garden? You need to queue, show your ticket or the screen of the booking confirmation, show your documents and after an airport alike scanning system (they laughed a lot seeing the banana in my bag), you’re allowed to the super fast lift that will bring you in seconds to the 35th floor.

The view from the outside terrace is breathtaking and you can have a 360° view of the whole City simply going around the garden. On the windows there’s the name of the monuments, so you can know what you’re looking at. The location is amazing because it’s not only a panoramic site, but also a garden. The roof is made of glass as in a greenhouse, I was lucky I went there on a sunny day so I had a lovely natural light for my pics.

There are bars and restaurants (you need to book a table in advance even if you may be a lucky walk in guest) where you can have a drink or something to eat. And at night you can enjoy some good live music. I can tell if they serve gluten free food; I saw some gf muffins, but since my visits were only alcohol oriented I simply told the waiter about my intolerance and had a lovely visit.

TRACK OF THE DAY: High-The Cure

“The only way to help yourself is to help others”-Elbert Hubbard

A few post ago I wrote about the commitment of Food for the Hungry in the hardest places of the world, talking about children sponsorship and how important it is since you can change their lives, but also their families’ and communities’.

I talked about how JD is using his visibility and popularity to spread the world about this issue, he even gave the chance to people to win his drum kit if they were involved in sponsorship or in simply giving any kind of help to the project. The community of his sponsored child Evaride, graduated out of poverty, so JD is trying to get the same amazing result for other villages even if the bond with his child is still so strong that he even named his band after him.

I am the proud sponsor of a seven years old girl from Rwanda, called Divine. She likes drawing and her task before school is to provide clean water for her family. I can’t show her face due to privacy, but I can assure she’s a pretty girl with a smart gaze. I was beyond excited when I got her first letter with the sketch of her hand and honestly at first we think it is us to help them, but to be frank the biggest change happens into us, the sponsors. We get in touch with a reality we often only see on tv and that looks anonymous, almost fictional. Getting to know a child, their family and community, put things in perspective and helps us to understand that with a dollar a day, we can produce a big change in their life. The help is not only economic: having someone who trusts in them, who’s interested in their progress at school or in life, who remembers them in their prayers, is very important for the emotional and spiritual growth of these kids.

They become a big part of our lives, they make us rich, they are our family members. Well, if there is a negative side of sponsoring a child, is that letter take so long to get to them and vice versa, unfortunately many villages are in remote zones, hard to reach, so it may take a three months between a letter and another.

ctmbpepwgaaf4bh-jpg-large

At the moment sponsorship is for US citizens only, but check this link to know more and to get involved https://www.fh.org/give/josh

                         Sponsor a Child in Nyagihanga Today!

TRACK OF THE DAY: Africa- Toto

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim”-Nora Ephron

It is said that the third Monday of the year, it’s the saddest day of all, so, what a better moment to start with a change? I know it’s a bit too late for New Year’s resolutions, but I’m always jet lagged so I’m late for everything.

I had a horrible 2016, made of pain, worries, depression and bad health and I really want to overcome those dark feelings trying to fight negativity with more intensity. I know this won’t heal my physical pain, but at least it will stop me for having mental breakdowns due to it; I also know that a positive attitude won’t change my life or give me some money. First of all I should learn to complain less and be more grateful for what I have: for example, today I was upset because I can’t see the You Now streamings due my old phone that can’t be updated, then I tried to calm down thinking that I’m lucky if I have a phone and an internet connection.

This is the so called, Pollyanna’s “glad game” (no matter what happens, there’s always something to be glad about), but I have to warn you that it works only for little trivial problems, because it’s very hard to find the positive aspect in a bad experience. So expect me to disattend my aim very often.

While working on a better me, I planned two things that will be helpful reminders of my goal. The first is a jar where I put all the blessings I’ll get through 2017 (I already filled it with a lovely trip to my beloved London and a couple of things related to JD); the second is getting inked with The Script’s lyrics “Every day, every hour. Turn the pain into power“. JD said he’s going to handwrite it for me, but knowing him I can’t rely on this thing too much: he’s the King of unattended promises. However I’m not in a hurry: I have to defeat the fear for needles first.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Hall of Fame-The Script