Category Archives: friends

“Focus on what you have rather than what is lacking”

A few days ago it was my birthday. I got a lot of caring messages and lovely wishes from my family, friends and Twitterfriends, but I didn’t get the one I was most eager for.

“He’s busy” I told myself reading his posts.

“It’s not the right day yet there” I illuded myself with time zones.

“He’s still busy” I lied to myself.

Then the day, here and there, ended and my birthday wish expired. I’ve been in a bad mood the whole day: I saw the messages coming, but I was only able to focus on the missing one.

The funny fact is that I perfectly knew that it was wrong and I had a very short list of tricks to use to change my mood, three simple but effective points:

-Focus on what you have, be grateful and make the best with it.

-Try to see the whole picture and enjoy it, instead of noticing missing pieces.

-Remember that focusing on what you don’t or even can’t have, makes you angry and bitter and you don’t any further negativity in your life

The truth is that, like Alice in Wonderland, I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it. So at the end of the day, I bitterly concluded that it’s very hard to keep alive the thought of us in the others since it’s even so hard keeping ourselves alive!

TRACK OF THE DAY: Remember me – Gavin James

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“When it rains, look for rainbows;when it’s dark, look for stars”

Many negative things happened. Climate disasters and war threatens, my city affected by a flood that caused nine deaths and an incalculable amount of damages and, of course, personal problems. I’m at one point that even the sudden death of both the heathen and the wash machine, become the stick that broke the back of the camel, where the camel is my depressed self.

Let’s be honest: popular, inspiring quotes, like the one I wrote as a title, are useful until one point. If something bad happens, it’s perfectly fine to acknowledge that it’s a negative thing and to feel sad about it. No shame if you can’t see the bright side every time.

It is also said that attitude is everything and that’s could be true in some ways (I’m witnessing the amazing recover of a friend of mine who defeated tongue cancer and despite a long and complex surgery, she’s back to her normal life). Sometimes a positive attitude, looking for the good in every situation, being a fighter, is not enough, because there are things that are out of our control. I’m learning not to stress over them too much, but it’s very hard.

And here it comes my personal contribution to this topic: if it’s true that it isn’t the load that’s going to break us down, but it’s how we carry that load that is most important, I want to add that it’s even more important WHO helps you to carry that load.

Surround yourself by people who believe what you say, who are able to put themselves in your shoes, who are supportive without being too indulgent, who can give you a shook without being rude. As I said many times, I’m lucky to have it all. My lovely precious friend from the other side of the pond, proposed me a different kind of the gad game: every day I must send him a picture or telling him something that made me happy or just made me smile. Some days it’s hard, but so far I’ve always completed my task even if the tentation to use JD screens is often there. Is it a fault that he plays a bigger part of my happiness?

TRACK OF THE DAY: Shake it out – Florence + The Machine

 

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them” H.D.Thoureau

This post has been inspired by a thought of a friend of mine about children who are not encouraged in pursuing a career in the arts because arts don’t play the bills. She was fond of music, but she preferred following her parent’s advice, so she studied, had a brilliant career and now she works for a corporate that, according to her, pays her bills, but  doesn’t fulfill her heart.

Yes, parents must teach their kids to stay grounded, because not always dreams and hobbies are enough to pay our bills, but they also encourage them to find what passion stir their soul and pursue it. And they also have to pay attention not to project their failed dreams onto their kids, there’s nothing worse than a pushy parent.

On the other hand they shouldn’t force their children to do every sport, take music, lessons, attend art or theatre classes. That’s too much. You don’t know what your kid wants, let them choose, change their minds endless times, but always be there to support them and to help them to react to failure.

For us it’s the same, even if we are adult we don’t have to live our lives according to other people’s expectations or social conformance (“you’re a mum, you can do/act/dress like that” for example). I broke up with a group of good friends because they only saw me tied to my role, they found weird any passion and were supportive only about home/family related stuff.

Don’t be like that, never let your brain idle and learn more about anything you may like. Be passionate about something and don’t be tired to show it off even if “society” doesn’t approve. Life is too short to be anything but happy: we are all special in this world and nobody shouldn’t die with some music still in them.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Dreams – The Cranberries

 

“If you happen to pass by 84 Charing Cross Road, kiss it for me?” Helene Hanff

I’ve just read this delightful non fiction book and I absolutely loved it! It consists of the two-decade long correspondence and friendship between the reserved Frank Doel, an employee at Marks & Co. Booksellers at 84, Charing Cross Rd in London and the New York based writer and bibliophile Helene Hanff. She is an avid and enthusiastic reader looking for rare second hand books who doesn’t like the dirty, broken editions she can find on NY stalls so she prefers buying them overseas. From the start we can appreciate the contrast between her American informality and Frank’s British professionalism, but as long as the story goes she establish a friendship with him, his family and all the employees of the library and the correspondence becomes informal and heartfelt. We gradually see Helene becoming intimately involved in the lives of the shop’s staff, sending them food parcels during England’s post-war shortages and sharing with them details of her life and career.

I’m grateful that this book had been published in the 70s and that it’s a true story, a modern fictional writer would have inserted a love affair between Helene and Frank who was married and had two daughters, ruining the spirit of the book. Because the magic of this book it’s in its innocence. The rare and pure friendship established between people who live so many miles away thanks to letters.

That’s so relatable to me: I feel so unloved and underappreciated by everyone I live with, while I feel like I’m another person when I’m virtually or in person, with my overseas friends.

I recommend this read to all the book lovers, those who like to browse little bookshops or used book stalls and, like Helene, love “inscriptions on flyleaves and notes in margins”, like “the comradely sense of turning pages someone else turned” and are fond of “second hand books that open to the page some previous owner read oftenest”.

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The Marks & Co book shop located at 84 Charing Cross road has closed, but the street, located in the Charing Cross district at the west end of the Strand in London, is still renowned for the variety of the second hand books shops and independent book stores. The biggest and most known one is for sure Foyles opened more than 100 years ago, but the main road and also the side streets are full of little gems.

The road is named after the homonym district, where, in front of the railway was placed one of the twelve crosses that marked the route of Queen Eleanor funeral procession. It is in central London, very close both to Oxford street and Leicester Square, so with countless of shops, theatres and places to eat.

A little curiosity: in the Harry Potter books, The Leaky Cauldron pub is in Charing Cross Road.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Friends will be Friends – Queen

 

” A friend who dies it’s something of you that dies” Gustave Flaubert

This day is never easy for me. Whoever said that time heals all wounds, was lying because each time I walk past the place where my best friend was involved in a car accident, I still close my eyes. And honestly I still wait for her to pop out from behind a tree how she used to do in our games or to hear her voice when the phone rings.

If the bond was strong, friendship never fade despite death, time and having new friends. We were 17 when it happened, we grew together, we had a special place where we used to play with dolls or Barbies, the same place that has witnessed our secrets and confidences about our first crushes. It hurts sitting there alone.

When a friend grows their wings it’s hard above all because it’s about someone like you, around your age and in the following years, at every milestone of yours, you ask yourself how your friend could be. Alessandra. Would she be a mom? Would she have a job? Would she be happy? Would us still be friends? I don’t know, I just miss her.

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This is a personal blog, so don’t look here for a way to cope with grief for a friend’s loss. Personally the only thing that works for me is music: artists can express what it means better than any so called “expert”, their words may caption perfectly how you feel. Look for your grief song, the one closest to your experience and play it on repeat, there also are dedicated playlists on Spotify. It helps a lot, above all on days like birthdays or anniversaries.

Mine is “Never Fade” by Josh Devine and Ollie Green: JD experienced the premature departure of one of his closest friends who was very young and put in music his feelings. Those above are the words I held in my heart, unable to express them until this song came out. I’m playing it since this morning: I’m sure Ale likes it, she loved music so much!

I love you my friend: you will be always missed and never forgotten.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Who knew – Pink

“Some people make the world more special just by being in it”

I’m poor in money, but I’m rich in friends. My health is horrible and my future dark, but no matter what happens, I can always lean on special people who know how to comfort me and help me to focus on what’s good in my life.

Three days ago it was JD’s birthday: he never fails to inspire me and to make me smile, that’s why the anniversary of his birth is so important to me. I wish he could get back all the good things he spreads in the world and above all everything he does for me. My doctor says he should be bottled and sold as a lifesaver medicine or as the most effective painkiller.

So this is for him. (don’t look at my miserable numbers on Instagram: I’m not popular on there, I’m not popular anywhere, but honestly I don’t care. Unless you make money from social media, being famous on there is like being rich at Monopoly).

And I want to end this post in my best friend’s words, he once said that with money you can buy everything, you can buy even a friend, but a best friend is something valuable you don’t need money for. Seeing that this post is about wishes: I hope you all are millionaires.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Millionaires – The Script

“I like good strong words that mean something” Louisa May Alcott

As I stated in my previous post, this blog doesn’t contain any sponsored content: everything you will find here comes to my personal tastes.

I got to know MyIntent thanks to JD because they engraved the word Evaride, that it’s his band. I was curious to know more about this project so I started browsing the web and visited their site. First of all it’s not a jewellery company but a service project whose aim is to encourage people to share more truth and inspiration with each other.

How? Simple: you have to choose a word that represents you or the one you need in your life or something you need to look up to and fill the form. Words are engraved on a round token, you can choose between silver, gold or black (I chose this last one because it’s my favourite colour). You can have it as a twist bracelet, adjustable necklace (like mine) or chain, dainty or bead necklace. There is also a keychain option. If you want you can share your story not only with the person who’s going to make your jewel (in order to put more commitment in the process), but also with the community through social media.

MyIntent motto is “What is your word?” because words are very powerful, not only in a negative way ( “loose lips sink ships” or as we say in Italy “tongues kill more than swords”), but also in a positive way. Wearing your word may be either a powerful reminder or a daily inspiration; it can also lead to productive conversations: you will be amazed in finding out that everyone has an intent for their life and how many interesting, inspiring, moving stories are behind a simple word. It also helps you to question your life asking yourself:

You can also choose to make a gift to a friend or a relative, offering them the word they need the most.

Here’s my necklace, my word is quite peculiar since it’s an acronym.

F8 stands for many different things.

-It’s the FATE I can’t choose.

-It reminds me to have FAITH because things can eventually get better.

-It’s a daily reminder to FIGHT.

 JJD are the initials of a person who daily inspires me, gives me strength, pushes me to look for the light in every situation, reminds me I’m loved and worth.

Check MyIntent site for further informations, more inspiration, models and prices.

https://www.myintent.org/

So: What’s your intent?

TRACK OF THE DAY: More than Words- Extreme