Tag Archives: friends

” A friend who dies it’s something of you that dies” Gustave Flaubert

This day is never easy for me. Whoever said that time heals all wounds, was lying because each time I walk past the place where my best friend was involved in a car accident, I still close my eyes. And honestly I still wait for her to pop out from behind a tree how she used to do in our games or to hear her voice when the phone rings.

If the bond was strong, friendship never fade despite death, time and having new friends. We were 17 when it happened, we grew together, we had a special place where we used to play with dolls or Barbies, the same place that has witnessed our secrets and confidences about our first crushes. It hurts sitting there alone.

When a friend grows their wings it’s hard above all because it’s about someone like you, around your age and in the following years, at every milestone of yours, you ask yourself how your friend could be. Alessandra. Would she be a mom? Would she have a job? Would she be happy? Would us still be friends? I don’t know, I just miss her.

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This is a personal blog, so don’t look here for a way to cope with grief for a friend’s loss. Personally the only thing that works for me is music: artists can express what it means better than any so called “expert”, their words may caption perfectly how you feel. Look for your grief song, the one closest to your experience and play it on repeat, there also are dedicated playlists on Spotify. It helps a lot, above all on days like birthdays or anniversaries.

Mine is “Never Fade” by Josh Devine and Ollie Green: JD experienced the premature departure of one of his closest friends who was very young and put in music his feelings. Those above are the words I held in my heart, unable to express them until this song came out. I’m playing it since this morning: I’m sure Ale likes it, she loved music so much!

I love you my friend: you will be always missed and never forgotten.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Who knew – Pink

“Some people make the world more special just by being in it”

I’m poor in money, but I’m rich in friends. My health is horrible and my future dark, but no matter what happens, I can always lean on special people who know how to comfort me and help me to focus on what’s good in my life.

Three days ago it was JD’s birthday: he never fails to inspire me and to make me smile, that’s why the anniversary of his birth is so important to me. I wish he could get back all the good things he spreads in the world and above all everything he does for me. My doctor says he should be bottled and sold as a lifesaver medicine or as the most effective painkiller.

So this is for him. (don’t look at my miserable numbers on Instagram: I’m not popular on there, I’m not popular anywhere, but honestly I don’t care. Unless you make money from social media, being famous on there is like being rich at Monopoly).

And I want to end this post in my best friend’s words, he once said that with money you can buy everything, you can buy even a friend, but a best friend is something valuable you don’t need money for. Seeing that this post is about wishes: I hope you all are millionaires.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Millionaires – The Script

“Medicines and surgery may cure, but only reading and writing poetry can heal” J. Arroyo

When I started this blog, I promised myself I would never vomit in it any complaint about my miserable life. I’m not a lame person or an attention seeker, but chronic illness made me fragile and living with a selfish person who doesn’t support me and rolls his eyes or complains about medical expenses or accuses me of faking diseases, doesn’t help at all. I’m lucky I have wonderful friends to lean on, but sometimes, like today, they’re not enough, so I have to use the healing power of writing.

I got very scared today: I was walking, no worries, no pressure, heading to the supermarket, then I felt a massive chest pain. I tried not to panic since at its worst, hiatus hernia pain can mimic that of a heart attack, but when my left arm went numb, I seriously started worrying. I rushed home (one of my biggest fears is to die alone in the street) and did yoga breathing exercises, chat with all the people I found online, because having also a panic attack was the last thing I needed. I drank an hot chamomile and stayed quiet until the symptoms kinda went away. In the meanwhile my mind had explored all the worst sceneries and dug out all my deepest fears. I don’t fear death, I just don’t want to leave things undone, I was looking around the room and thinking about the book to be given back to the library, to my unfinished fan-fiction, to all the things that I and only I, know, all the friends that would see me disappear without a clue, just because we don’t hang out in real life. These sorts of stupid little things. I texted a friend I called “Annoying pervert” yesterday, because I didn’t want that the last text of mine to him was that joking offence. And then I started thinking that I should tell more to my significant ones that I love them, at least my best friend has the task to tell JD how much I loved him in case I die suddenly, but the others?

I still feel crap, but better, so I decided to write this nonsense post to exorcise my fears and because I’ve always believed that writing sessions have a positive effect on my mind and, why not, on my stupid sick body.

Sorry for the rant. All the love xx.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Avalanche – Bring me the Horizon

 

 

“Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer” Jean de La Fontaine

I’m going through a hard times, so I’m often nervous, depressed and I say things without reflecting too much. So it happened to hurt the last person on Earth I wanted to disappoint: my best friend. It’s a horrible feeling to be in a fight with the only person I trust completely, who can get me completely and loves me despite my many flaws.

All this pain leaded me to a consideration: that the feelings for a true friend are similar or even stronger than the ones for a lover, that any love song can easily be applied to friendship. And I had the evidence today, I was reading a post on a blog about break up and I could relate to any word. I miss my best friend when I’m sad and needy, but also when I have a joy to share; I often say “I should show/say this to my bestie”, but he’s not there. He barely answers to my texts, he says he needs time to trust me again, but you know, time is elastic, the more you want a thing to happen, the more it dilates.

TRACK OF THE DAY: Everything has changed- Ed Sheeran ft. Taylor Swift